Just a heads up, I do not claim to be the perfect parent. I mean, let’s be real, who is? I mess up daily – and when it comes to my two-year-old, I’m a certified pushover. “Doing things for her own good” even if it leads to hysterics? Yeah, not really my style. Her feelings and happiness are what guide my daily decisions, sometimes to the detriment of my own sanity.

But anyway, if you’ve asked yourself, “should I take my toddler out of daycare?” here’s the scoop on why I pulled the plug after my daughter’s first day.

The backstory

Working from home while taking care of a toddler? That’s a high-wire act, folks. So when I stumbled upon a toddler program at a preschool that doubled as daycare and could be my saving grace, I got curious. Two and a half hours, twice a week in the morning – sounded harmless, right?

I signed up my daughter and a few weeks later went from waitlist to acceptance. And here’s the emotional rollercoaster that followed. First, there was relief – a structured routine for work meetings. Then, the flip side – sheer anxiety and dread.

My kid and I? We’re totally inseparable. I blame part of it on her being a “Covid baby” born in the summer of 2021. Before dads could join in on birthing fun, I handled all appointments solo. Blood tests, midwife check-ups, ultrasounds – it was just me and my sidekick.

Initially, I swore off putting her in childcare before she could grasp what was happening. I was a remote worker, and I figured I could make it work. My mom was my backup, and I was convinced I’d manage somehow.

But, as my daughter hit her terrible twos, I realized my chaotic work setup needed a change. Sure, my colleagues were cool with a toddler’s background noises in Zoom calls, but meltdowns needed more attention. That’s when I considered the daycare option.

The first (and last) day

The first day (D-Day) arrived, the first and only day of daycare for my little one. I packed her mini Cocomelon backpack, telling myself that if she cried too much, I’d scoop her up, and we’d call it a day. I also had a deal with the teachers – if she cried for 10 minutes straight, they’d give me a ring. This was not an uncommon arrangement and they were actually the ones who suggested it to me, so I felt good enough about it.

But stepping into the daycare was a heart-wrenching scene. Every toddler was bawling their eyes out. I couldn’t leave my child like that. Kudos to the parents who had faith that everything was going to be okay and summoned up the strength to leave, but I couldn’t. So, I joined my daughter in her classroom, held her hand, and made sure she was good and distracted before slipping away.

Back in my car, I dialed my husband in tears. I’d brought my laptop and planned to get work done in the parking lot. Slowly, my anxiety eased, and I thought maybe, just maybe, things were going okay in there. I fired up my laptop and got down to business.

A few minutes later, the call came – my daughter was inconsolable. I talked to the teachers, and we decided I should go back in, settle her down, and give it another shot. If that was all the progress we made, it was alright.

Back in the classroom, I was greeted by a classmate of my daughter’s literally clawing at the door to escape. Nearly all the toddlers were in tears or screaming. One of the teachers was on the phone with another parent, suggesting it might be best to call it a day. It didn’t look promising.

After getting my daughter settled, we tried one more time. I went back to the car and, sure enough, 10 minutes later, the call came again. The teachers and I agreed it was best to try again on the next school day. They were kind enough to offer all the time we needed for a gentle transition. But after that first day, I decided not to go back. Here’s why.

The decision to pull the plug on daycare

To afford this program, I had to work more. That meant making the most of those 5 hours every week right from the start. But I couldn’t bear to let my little one cry her heart out. I had only ever left her with my mom, and even that took time to get her used to (for both of us). Plus, the thought of letting her cry every week until she “got used to it” filled me with dread. So, I had to ask myself: Was daycare necessary at this age? Would my daughter benefit more from playgroups with her peers than being left with well-meaning strangers? I had to figure out if my gut feeling was legit.

What the research says

Research on daycare for two-year-olds is largely mixed. The difference between ages two and three in terms of development and communication is significant. I spent hours looking into studies on the effects of daycare on children under 36 months. Some studies say that daycare is only a negative experience when it comes to low-quality centers. Another claimed that “psychologists who study daycare have attempted to downplay or put a comforting spin on troubling findings.” And then, one more study specifically centering around young children ages 0-2 said that “being in child care, cared for by an adult who is not the parent, does not need to be associated with less–than–optimal development in young children. In fact, it may be associated with enhanced development or even be a compensatory factor.”

At the end of the day, it didn’t necessarily matter how many contradictory opinions or pros and cons I found – I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing my child that upset on a regular basis while she “got used to” daycare. Especially when it wasn’t a must.

Do I think I made the right choice?

Am I 100% convinced I did the right thing by pulling her out? No. Am I overly protective? Maybe. I’m heavily aware that if I change my mind and want to enroll her again, waitlists might stand in my way. My decision was made based on emotion and a fair bit of research. At times, I feel a bit silly that I didn’t tough it out, especially for just five hours a week. But my gut led me to this choice. When she’s three, you can bet I’ll enroll her in preschool without hesitation, even if there is a little adjustment period. She’s extremely intelligent and I know that she’ll absolutely rock it – when she’s ready.

When it comes to childcare, we’re all doing our best. Some of us can work from home with a bit of help, while others have no choice. Even if you can work remotely, juggling childcare and a job is often tougher than any “normal” job. It’s certainly been more challenging than any job I tackled back when I worked in law.

At the end of the day, our sanity as parents matters. If we’re cranky and stressed out all the time, we’re not helping our little ones. As for our childcare journey, who knows what the future holds? We’re taking it one day at a time. Wherever you are in the childcare debate, you’re rocking it.